THE PERSECUTED
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:10-12
With our hunger and thirst for righteousness comes the promise of persecution for those who take a stand for God. We have not been called to safety and comfort but to serve in the midst of conflict. Persecution is not to be strenuously avoided, for it is the result of righteous living. To avoid it, one would have to cease living righteously.
The early church went through much persecution for their faith in Christ. It affected their livelihood. They had to ask themselves, Should a Christian craftsman create idols for the temples? Or should a tailor sew robes for heathen priests?
Persecution affected social and family life. Most feasts were held in the temple of some god. A common invitation would be dining at the table of such a god. Even an ordinary meal in a home began with a cup of wine poured out in honor of the gods, like grace before a meal. Could a Christian share in such a meal like that?
Severe persecution meant being flung to the lions, burned at the stake, or being wrapped in pitch and set alight to provide light for Nero’s palace gardens. Or it meant being sewn in animal skins and set upon by Nero’s hunting dogs. Christians were tortured on the rack; scraped with pincers; had molten lead poured on them; had red-hot brass plates fixed to the most tender parts of their bodies; had eyes torn out; had limbs cut off and roasted before their eyes; had hands and feet burned while cold water was poured over other parts to prolong agony.
Most of us have never in our lives made a real sacrifice for Jesus. To have to suffer persecution is to walk along the same road as the prophets, the saints, and the martyrs. To suffer persecution is to make things easier for those who are to follow. To suffer persecution is to experience the fellowship of Christ, as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did in the furnace (Daniel 3:19-25). It is not always so dramatic, but it is nevertheless real. Most of us enjoy the blessing of liberty today because men and women in the past were willing to buy it for us at the cost of their own blood, sweat and tears.
RESPONSE: I will accept persecution, whether mild or hot, which comes as a result of righteous living.
PRAYER: Lord, encourage those today who are experiencing severe persecution for Your name.
 | How God Comforts Us LAURA BAILEY Lee en español |
“If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:6-7 (NIV)
I paced the office floor, desperate to contain the volatile mixture of anger and confusion that permeated my thoughts. Consumed with embarrassment, crippled by pride and convinced that I’d suffered enough, I blurted out:
“Why can’t I get over this? Why do I keep dealing with the same issue? Why won’t God remove this burden from me?”
My pastor, without any hint of annoyance at my repeated need for counseling, grabbed his Bible and posed a question: “Have you considered that your struggle forces you to draw closer to the Lord … and enables you to help others in similar situations?”
Wait, what? I was there to find relief for my suffering. Helping someone else? Not on my radar.
Later that day, as I replayed the conversation with my pastor, the words “draw closer to the Lord” pierced my heart. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, we learn that God is the Father of all compassion, the ultimate Comforter; He is omnipresent and desires to comfort us in all our struggles. I’d been trying to numb my pain instead of releasing it to the only One who not only walks with me in my struggles but also showers me with grace, love, peace and eternal hope!
As I meditated on these truths, I began to understand what my pastor meant by helping someone else experiencing similar pain and hardship. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can provide comfort for others because we have received comfort from God.
The Apostle Paul was no stranger to affliction and hardship, having endured stonings, whippings and shipwrecks. He spent roughly three years imprisoned in Rome. Yet, there in prison, surrounded by misery, he was able to comfort distressed fellow inmates because he intimately knew the ultimate Comforter, God.
During his imprisonments, he also wrote four letters to newly formed churches, encouraging them to remain faithful under persecution. He actually told the Philippians to look for joy while suffering, to rejoice in the Lord always. To the Colossians, he wrote, “Whatever you do, work … for the Lord …” (Colossians 3:23, NIV), and to those in Ephesus, “mak[e] the most of every opportunity …” (Ephesians 5:16, NIV). “Every opportunity” included trials and tribulations.
In our key verse, Paul writes to the church of Corinth, saying, “If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:6-7).
The Greek word for “comfort” is paraclete, which means “one who comes alongside to help.” Paul’s life demonstrates how the Holy Spirit, who lives in the children of God, strengthens and supports us during troubling times, even before we cry out for help. (Romans 8:26) Paul reminds the Corinthians that only the triune God is the source of abiding consolation. Throughout the book of Corinthians, Paul — in light of the comfort he received from God — admonishes the Corinthians and us to remain faithful, share the gospel and continue to trust the Lord in all circumstances.
Despite what Paul knew about suffering, he was able to rejoice and remain hopeful because suffering produced godly patience and endurance. As with Paul, the Lord uses hardship and affliction to sanctify us. Come what may, when we believe God is faithful and true, the Lord lifts us up and sets our feet on solid, sure ground, moving us from a state of faltering self-sufficiency to steadfast security in His all-sufficient grace.
With hope, we can persevere, reminding ourselves that our troubles are temporary, not eternal. We can remain steadfast and confident because our faith and hope stands firm on Christ, the solid rock. The Son of God, who underwent immense suffering to give His life as a ransom for our sins, will one day roll back the effects of the curse and wipe away all our tears. Jesus, our long-awaited, serpent-crushing King, will rescue us and restore all things, for He has already triumphed over sin and death.
Lord, thank You for being the God of all comfort. Please help me to call on Your name and seek You when I’m hurting. Give me strength and encouragement as I share in the struggles of others, pointing them to the hope that is found in You alone. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS:
Do you ever feel like life is falling apart? No matter how often you cry out to God, your situation just keeps getting worse. You wonder what God could possibly be doing when life isn’t going how you planned. That’s exactly the situation we find in the book of Habakkuk. Join us for our next First 5 study on August 9, Not According to Plan: How We Can Trust God Even When He Seems Unfair, Silent or Absent. Order your Study Guide today!
ENGAGE:
Head over to Laura Bailey’s website and grab your copy of “10 Scriptures to Pray When You Are in the Midst of Deep Suffering.” And connect with Laura on Instagram for more encouragement!
FOR DEEPER STUDY:
John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (NIV)
Think of a time in your life when you have experienced great suffering. What did the Lord teach you that you could use to help comfort others who are experiencing similar suffering? Share with us in the comments!
© 2021 by Laura Bailey. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
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Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
Promise #201
Promise #201:
I will turn your mourning into dancing and surround you with joy.
Psalm 30:11 (WEB)
You have turned my mourning into dancing for me.
You have removed my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness,
We all struggle with grief at one time or another in life. We lose those we love. We suffer the loss of many things. In a life that ebbs and flows, there are seasons of mourning and seasons of dancing. In Ecclesiastes we read that there is a season for all things.
The promise for today acknowledges there is a season for grieving in our lives but it also points to the time when our God and Father will turn that season of mourning into a season of dancing. It is God Himself who will throw off our clothes of sadness and clothes us with joy!
In times of grief and heartbreak, God promises to be close to us. So if you are in that season, allow the love of God to fill your soul and carry you in your weakest moment. But be encouraged, that there is a time coming when God Himself will turn your mourning into dancing and will surround you with His own joy.
Love God And Love Others Well
Perfect Union
“Make this your one purpose: to revere Him and serve Him faithfully with complete devotion because He has done great things for you.” — 1 Samuel 12:24
Marriage is always a work in progress. Every marriage is flawed because every person in a marriage is flawed. Even the kindest, most noble spouse is weak and broken. And though no marriage is perfect, that relationship does point us to the perfect union between Jesus and His bride.
God’s love for us is all-consuming and flawless. And He invites us into a deep, personal relationship that is the shining example for all our other relationships — even marriage. It is selfless, giving, and forgiving. And so should we be in all our relationships — whether it’s with our spouse, a friend, a family member, a coworker, or our neighbor across the street.
Whether you’re married or single, “make this your one purpose: to revere [God] and serve Him faithfully with complete devotion because He has done great things for you”.
My heart always longs to know You better, Jesus. I accept the absolutely perfect love You offer me and will try to imitate it with the people in my life. Amen.
Jesus speaks…
Come away with Me for a while. Take a break from the television, the video games, and the cell phone. Put the world on hold. Be still and listen.
“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.” ― L.R. Knost
You Are More
by: DaySpring
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. JOHN 1:12 ESV
Sometimes when we wake up, it seems as if we’re starting the same day all over again. We brush our teeth, get ourselves ready, eat breakfast, and start working. And if we don’t watch it, we can even start feeling as if what we do defines who we are: “I am a mother…. I am a daughter…. I am a student…. I am a nurse….” But what if we don’t let these titles define us? What if we start realizing the truth—that we are much greater than the “titles” we hold. Think about it: our lives aren’t defined by our titles but by what Jesus says we are. And He says that we are loved, cared for, and valued.
That’s right—Jesus sees the beauty in you, even on your hard days when you yourself can’t. You were made for many special purposes in life, and you can’t let “titles” get in the way of that. When you feel as if you’re not living up to your title, just look above. Your title as “child of God” is much greater than any other earthly title you can be given. He loves you beyond measure. He knows how many hairs are on your head. He knows what’s best for you, even if you can’t see it yet. Yes, He has given you many titles in life, but He doesn’t want you to be defined by them. In fact, your entire identity can be found solely in His love for you!
Take a moment to recall your younger years. What made your heart and soul feel alive? You are more than a wife, mom, worker, sister, or friend, and there’s more to you than what you do every day. Remember the younger you? What did she love to do? What brought her joy? Free yourself from the many titles you have and the multitude of tasks on your plate today and do something that brings you joy. Release everything you have hanging over your head and take delight in being a child of God.
Melissa Horvath
You Got This
Looking for more inspiration? You can find more resources for hope and encouragement, such as products to help you grow in your faith or resources in our article library on DaySpring.com.
What’s it to You?
What’s it to You?
by Kelly Givens
Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at the table close to him… When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” John 21:20-22
Have you ever wondered why God allows some Christians to suffer so much, and others seem to glide through life relatively pain-free? I know many godly men and women who seem to suffer without end. Their pain is more than I have ever experienced; they’ve faced more trials in a year than I’ve faced in my entire life. Why is that? Am I loved by God more than these people? Are they glorifying God more through their suffering than I can in my blessings? The comparisons go in all directions.
Comparison was Peter’s go-to when Jesus told him this: “Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God). Then he said to him, “Follow me!” (John 21:18-19).
Jesus was foretelling that Peter, just like himself, would be led to his death, arms stretched out in his own crucifixion. Tradition points to Peter being crucified upside down during Nero’s persecution, not wanting to be crucified in the same manner as his Lord.
I’m not sure if Peter knew then by what kind of death he would die, but no doubt he got the gist of what Jesus was saying. So it’s no surprise that he quickly disregarded Christ’s instruction to “follow me!” Instead, he looked around at the other disciples, spotted John, and exclaimed “Lord, what about this man?” I wonder if Peter was thinking, “I get what you’re trying to tell me, but what about that guy? Why should I go through this trial and not him? Do you love him more than me?”
Comparison is hard-wired in our sinful nature. When others seem to get ahead or are seemingly more blessed than us, we grow envious. When the tables are turned and we are the ones being blessed, we might fight the urge to brag or think more highly of ourselves than we ought. Both kinds of comparison are fatal to our faith, and Jesus knows it. So when Peter bluntly asked, “what about this man?” Jesus’ response was clear. “What is that to you? You follow me!”
Peter died a horrible, agonizing death. Most historians agree that most of the other apostles met similar, violent ends. Except for John. John died, presumably peacefully, in his old age. Why? Because that was how each “was to glorify God.” When God bestows on us blessings we should proclaim his glory joyfully and humbly. But when he allows us to suffer, we have the opportunity to proclaim him King through our hopefulness and faith. God’s glory is what’s important, not our circumstances.
“You follow me.” Fixing ourselves on Jesus is the key to fruitful ministry, the key to humility, the key to joy regardless of our circumstances. It’s the key to glorifying God – the true purpose of our lives and ministry.
Intersecting Faith & Life: How quick are you to compare your joys and sufferings to those around you? Comparing our circumstances to others is fruitless. Jesus desires us to follow him, and have faith in the plan he has for our lives.
Further Reading:
1 Peter 1:6-7, Romans 8:37, Philippians 3:13-14
“The only glory which Jesus ever sought for himself or offered to his disciples was to be caught up in God’s redemptive purpose.” – George Caird
Check out fantastic resources on Faith, Family, and Fun at Crosswalk.com!
Parenting in this day and age is not for the faint at heart. That’s why Mama Take Heart is here to help you be the gospel-centered, compassionate, and influential voice in your Gen-Z daughter’s life. In this show, we give listeners the tools they need to love and lead well in their child’s formative years. Host Robrenna Redl is here to help equip and empower you with resources and practical takeaways, whether you’re looking for ways to intentionally connect or to have hard conversations. So don’t fret, Mama. Instead, take heart!
10 Things Christians Shouldn’t Say When Someone Dies
- Beth Ann Baus
- Crosswalk.com Contributor
Most of us would admit that when our emotions get the best of us, we say things we don’t mean. Other times, we say exactly what we mean but we don’t choose our words carefully and end up implying something that just isn’t true. This offense seems particularly common when a person dies, something I know to be true from personal experience.
Grief is mentally and physically exhausting. We should all be quick to extend grace to someone in mourning, especially when they say something unkind or untrue. Grief can create a gaping hole in our verbal filters. It can also skew our sense of reality, causing us to say and do things that we otherwise would not. As believers, we should consider the impression our words will leave on those who don’t know the Lord, or on those who are new in their faith and are growing in their understanding of God.
If you’ve ever attended a visitation and taken the time to scan the memorial gifts, you’ve likely seen someone’s sincere thoughts etched on a plaque, an afghan, or garden stone. These words express the depth of loss and the immense love felt towards the deceased. These poetic sentiments sound good, and we might even carry the words with us for the rest of the day. But we need to remember that even our sentiments of grief must be tested against the Word of God. When we speak under the weight of emotion, we must not imply things about God and His character that aren’t true. The following are 10 phrases that every Christian should think through before speaking aloud after someone has died.
Photo credit: ©Thinkstock
1. Heaven Is a Better Place Now That They’re in It
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When we say that Heaven is a better place because our loved one is in it, we have good intentions.
What we mean is that our loved one was extremely special and that any place would be made better by their presence.
While that statement might have been true here on earth, it simply won’t be true in Heaven. When we say this, we’re implying that Heaven isn’t perfect and that even though we’ll be in the presence of our Lord and Savior, it will be even better because of the presence of our loved one.
The implications of this statement not only increase the significance of your loved one, but also decrease the significance of God by implying that being in His presence isn’t enough.
God, in His infinite wisdom, has refrained from sharing specifics about Heaven with us. But what we can be certain of is that Heaven will be perfect. Heaven will be perfect because God is flawless, as is His dwelling place. God has allowed His children to abide in Him and to reside with Him in Heaven. Nothing, not even the presence of our loved ones, could make that better.
There will be no disappointments in Heaven and no room for improvements.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/LeArchitecto
2. If My Tears Could Build a Stairway, I Would Climb to Heaven and Bring You Home
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The thought behind this is truly lovely; it implies that you loved someone so much and miss them so tremendously that if you collected all the tears you’ve cried, you could use them to build a stairway to Heaven. That’s a lot of tears!
This statement also implies that you would do anything to see your loved one again. This sounds like the most loving proclamation we could possibly make about someone. But in this statement we’re also proclaiming how extremely selfish and self-serving we are.
If our loved one is in Heaven, in the presence of God, the most unloving thing we could possibly do is remove them from Paradise and bring them back to our broken earth. I guarantee that if using your tears to build a stairway to Heaven was possible, your loved one wouldn’t want to come back with you. That wouldn’t be a reflection of how they feel about you, but rather a reflection of how they feel about God.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImabes/StockPhotosArt
3. They’ve Earned Their Wings
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This is another statement meant to communicate how special our loved one was; that they were so spiritual here on earth, they will certainly be honored in Heaven. While this sounds nice, and certainly paints a saintly picture of the deceased, nowhere in scripture does it say that we earn wings. Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works so that no one can boast.”
Even if we were given wings in Heaven, they would not be something we earned — they would be a gift. One might argue that saying someone has earned their wings is simply a figure of speech. Even so, we should strive to represent God accurately and think about the conclusions that might be drawn by an unbeliever. Instead of saying our loved one has earned their wings, perhaps we should say our loved one is now laying their treasures at Jesus’ feet.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/cranach
4. We’ve Gained a Guardian Angel
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What do we know about angels? In Hebrews 1:14 the Bible calls angels “ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation.” That sounds incredible, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to think about their loved one becoming an angel and being a personal messenger of God? Who wouldn’t want to picture their loved one following them around, guarding them on behalf of the Lord? All of that sounds amazing, and certainly expresses the love and adoration we have for our loved one. Additionally, this thought helps us feel close to our loved one as we live out the rest of our days.
The good news is that the Bible does mention angels helping humans, like when an angel of the Lord helped Peter escape prison in Acts 12. Psalm 34 says the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him. Psalm 91 declares, “God will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways”.
So while there are arguments to be made for guardian angels, the truth is that nowhere in scripture does it claim we become guardian angels after we die. Calling the deceased a guardian angel is a statement we need to put to rest.
Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock/Archv
5. This Gives Us Something to Look Forward to
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Because children of God have the assurance of seeing one another again, we can certainly look forward to the great reunion in Heaven. But we need to be careful not to put our loved ones on the pedestal that only God deserves to be on. If you’re only looking forward to Heaven because you’ll see your loved ones again, you should question your understanding of God and of the home He has prepared for you.
This is another statement that can be quite damaging to non-believers or those young in their faith. On one hand, they hear us speaking of our awe for God the Father and of the glory that awaits us in Heaven. But then, upon the death of a loved one, we take the focus of Heaven away from our Lord and instead turn it to our loved one. We should be so anxious to bow at the foot of the throne that the death and damnation of everyone we love would not diminish our anticipation for Heaven.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages
6. I’ve Lost the Best Part of Me
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Most of us have someone in our life that challenges us and pushes us to be better. We love this person for who they are and for who they’ve shaped us to be. When we lose that person, it’s easy to think that we’ve lost the best part of ourselves. This statement is intended to communicate the deep bond we had with this person and that we, as individuals, simply won’t be as good at this life without them. What a testament to the character of your loved one!
While this statement is harmless in and of itself, it wouldn’t hurt us to remember a very important truth found in Psalm 16:2: “I say to the LORD ‘You are my Lord. Apart from you I have no good thing.’” If you are a child of God, it is Christ in you that makes you good. In other words, Christ and Christ alone is the best part of you. Praise God that we can never lose Him!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages
7. Gone Too Soon
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This is a common sentiment when a child, teen, or young adult dies. Whether the death is caused by an illness or an accident, it’s terribly difficult to say goodbye to someone who hasn’t lived a long life. These situations are hard to understand, and they remind us how broken and frail our earthly bodies are.
The most common statement made during these times is that the person has gone too soon, but we must stop and think about what we’re really implying with such a statement.
What we must remember is that God has numbered our days. Job 14:5 says, “A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.” Psalm 139:16 reads, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
When we declare that someone has died too soon, we are either ignoring the fact that God numbers our days or we are suggesting that God has made a mistake. Thankfully we know that God, His timing, and His will are perfect and that there is no such thing as an “untimely” death.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/dobok
8. If Love Alone Could Have Spared You, You Would Have Lived Forever
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When someone we love dies, we desperately want those around us to understand the depth of our love. We want everyone to know, without a doubt, that our love was as strong as humanly possible. What better way to express that love than to say that, if possible, your love would not only have spared their life, but would have kept them alive forever?
The problem with this statement is that we love with a human love, which is no match for the love of our Heavenly Father. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
This is the quintessence of love, and yet God has still limited our days here on earth. He doesn’t spare us from death. 1 John 3:1 declares, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” Children of God will live forever in Heaven, and it is because of God’s perfect love, not ours.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages
9. Those We Love Don’t Go Away; They Walk Beside Us Every Day
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This is a statement that could really be confusing for an unbeliever, or for a new believer who is still working to understand the Bible. Speaking from experience, I know that when we lose a loved one we want to feel close to them; letting go is painful. We long for one more conversation, one more walk.
We find comfort in statements like, “those we love don’t go away; they walk beside us every day.” The problem is, there is no Biblical reference to back this up.
I think what we mean by this is that our loved one changed us. They helped mold and shape us into who we are. They, in a sense, are a part of us. There are pieces of them embedded in our life, so they walk with us every day; we take those pieces with us everywhere we go.
The danger with this statement is that it implies that the spirits of the dead walk among us. This could bring either fear or false comfort to the unbeliever or new believer, which is why we should choose our words carefully and think about what we’re implying.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages
10. God’s Garden Needs Flowers
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I trust in God’s sovereignty, and because I know His plans are perfect, I would not be put off by the idea of being a flower in God’s garden if that’s what the Bible taught; but it is not. This is a pleasant idea, though. Who wouldn’t want to picture God on this throne looking out on a beautiful field of flowers with our loved ones? To an unbeliever, however, this could easily make God out to be a master game designer with us as pawns, waiting to be plucked up and replanted in His garden. This is not how we want to portray our Lord.
Perhaps this statement is meant as a metaphor; that we, as God’s children standing before His throne, are like an endless field of fragrant flowers. This creates a lovely image, but we don’t need a metaphor for an already perfect image. We should picture our loved ones bowing before the throne of God with every tongue, tribe, and nation.
We should picture them in Paradise doing what they were created to do: glorifying God and enjoying Him forever!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/JRyanC10
Beth Ann Baus is a wife and homeschooling mom of two boys. She is a writer and blogger who pulls from her own experiences of abuse, anxiety, depression and Tourettic OCD. Beth is an advocate for women struggling with sexual sin and strives to encourage young wives and mothers by pointing them to the grace offered only by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. You can read more about her at www.bethannbaus.com.
Is “Never Go to Bed Angry” Good Biblical Advice?
- Katie T. Kennedy
- Contributing Writer
The definition of anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. This description proves troublesome for the Christian. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22). You can see the issue here. Anger is contrary to the fruits of the Spirit. Hence the problem.
Is the goal never to be angry, especially at your spouse? I don’t believe that is a realistic goal for sinners like us. However, awareness, repentance, and striving to control our emotions are worthy goals for us and our spouse.
In this article, we will look at the biblical advice of never going to bed angry.
Where Does the Bible Say “Never Go to Bed Angry?”
The verse in the Bible closest to this statement is found in Ephesians 4:26. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Paul is not telling us never to be angry. He is saying deal with your anger in healthy ways. Don’t stuff it away and let it morph into something bigger. Don’t hold onto it and let it fester. He is also saying that even when your spouse upsets you, you do not have permission to verbally attack them; we must exhibit self-control over our mouths.
Ephesians 4:31 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
How can we let go of anger and move towards a healthy conversation and reconciliation? The devil prays on angry hearts. Don’t allow the devil to come in between you and your spouse or a loved one. The devil loves when we sit with our anger and cuddle up to it, letting it build and grow inside.
Proverbs 29:22 says, “An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.”
This Proverb is a warning to us. We need to be careful when feelings of anger arise; with it comes the temptation to sin. Our sin can manifest in many ways. Being aware of our propensity to sin while angry can help us develop healthy ways to communicate.
Why Should You Never Go to Bed Angry?
Here are some Bible verses on anger. While anger is normal because we are human, it is an emotion we must learn self-control over and figure out how to eradicate it before it breeds resentment, especially with your spouse.
James 1:19-21 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
Colossians 3:8 “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
Psalm 37:8 “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”
Matthew 5:22 “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.”
Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”
These verses are straightforward and do not need much interpretation. The Bible is clear on the negative repercussions of anger. God desires good for us. He wants to keep us from evil. Learning to have a productive, healthy confrontation with your spouse is hard. It takes practice, patience, and prayer. It requires humility to admit when you are wrong or overreacting. Humility does not come easy. It’s natural for us to think we are right. It’s unnatural to hear out your spouse and their opinion calmly.
Is it Ever Better to Wait Until Morning?
Let’s discuss what anger does to your body and mind as we answer this question.
Anger is experienced in our bodies and minds. Louise B. Miller Ph.D. explains, “Anger creates energy surges, and when energy surges occur, chemicals such as adrenaline enter your bloodstream, your heart rate increases, your blood flow increases, and your muscles tense.”
I know for me, nighttime is not my best time of the day. I am exhausted, short-tempered, and not thinking rationally. I am much calmer and clear-headed in the morning or during the day. I’ve learned this about myself and avoid serious discussions right before bed. The goal is to wind down at bedtime, not ramp up. Ironically, I used to ask my husband financial questions as we settled into bed. He informed me this was not the proper time to discuss these matters. We are constantly learning when is the best time to have certain conversations.
Miller recommends, “Don’t let your anger fester. The longer you hold on to something, the heavier it gets. You cannot control other people’s behavior; you can only control how you react to it.” The physical impact on our bodies (energy burst, blood pressure rising, and heart rate acceleration) does not lend itself to a peaceful bedtime routine. The emotional reaction anger can have on your body might prevent you from sleeping.
Don’t avoid talking about controversial topics; instead, be strategic about when you discuss them. It is ok to choose not to embark right as you and your spouse lay down to bed after a long day.
How to Settle Disputes with Your Spouse
When it comes to settling disputes with your spouse, I take a similar approach with my kids. Pick your battles. No one likes arguing. A house full of parents who quarrel all the time is not a healthy environment. Our children look to us as their guide. We are modeling what a marriage looks like. If we are fighting all the time, this is the standard in which our children think is “normal.”
Psalm 34:14 says, “Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
The question to ask is, are you pursuing peace with your spouse? Or are you aspiring to prove yourself right? Is your pride getting in the way of coming to a resolution? Gary Chapman, counselor and relationship expert, shares these tips on conflict resolution. Chapman defines a conflict as something “we disagree on something and we both feel strongly about. If you don’t feel strongly about it, it’s not a conflict. It’s just a difference of opinion.” Chapman states, “We must deal with anger. The most common emotion associated with conflict is anger. If we don’t deal with the anger, we won’t resolve the conflict.” Here are his tactics on conflict resolution:
1. Take a temporary time-out (if you keep talking when you are angry, you will stir up more trouble)
2. Take turns talking (after the time out, set a time to discuss and do not interrupt each other)
3. Practice listening (listen actively instead of reloading your rebuttals)
4. Listen to the facts and the feelings (hear the details and the emotions behind them)
5. Seek to understand (try to put yourselves in the shoes of your spouse)
6. Express your understanding (reiterate what you heard)
Chapman believes that keeping your spouse’s love tank full and learning how to resolve conflict would save thousands of marriages. Learning healthy communication skills takes time, effort, and lots of practice. Learning to control our anger is a difficult task but a worthwhile cause.
The Lord does not leave us alone to fend for ourselves. He provides us with resources to help guide us on the right path (the Bible, the Holy Spirit, pastors, Christian counselors, mentors, etc.). God can assist us as we navigate our marital relationships. He is for us. God desires our marriages to be fruitful. Prayer is always a good place to start. He is the only one who can change hearts. He provides wisdom. He knows all. He calms anger and reunites couples. We are so fortunate to have such an amazing Father.
Related Resource: Listen to our new, FREE podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, and then head over to LifeAudio.com to check out all of our episodes:
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Katie T. Kennedy lives in Richmond, VA. She is married to a wonderful husband Jonathan and they have three girls. She is a writer, blogger, and employee of the family business. After a mid-life spiritual transformation, she discovered her love of writing. She loves to travel, read, be in nature, cook, and dream. She would love to connect with you online at www.katietkennedy.com, Instagram or Facebook.
15 Psalms to Pray for Deliverance
- Debbie McDaniel
- iBelieve Contributing Writer
In the darkest of times, in the heat of the battles, in the struggles and hardships of life, we can find great reassurance and powerful reminders through the book of Psalms of who God is. He alone is the One who can deliver and set us free from our troubles. So often we run everywhere else for help, but turning to His words of truth first is the best place to go. Praying God’s words back to Him aligns our hearts with His, brings peace to our spirits and reminds us that He’s at work on our behalf. It brings us comfort to know we’re never alone, and we can find refuge in Him and strength for our days.
Dear God,
We praise you for you alone are our mighty Deliverer. You’re our Refuge and hope, a shield around us, our strength and protector. Thank you that nothing is too difficult for you! We put our trust in you and proclaim your words of truth and power over our lives and over our loved ones. We pray and thank you for these things.
Amen
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1. Praying to God as Your Shield
You are our shield and the lifter of our heads. We can rest in you because you alone are the one who sustains us and keeps us safe.
“But you are a shield around me, O Lord, you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep, I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side. Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God!” Psalm 3:3-7
2. Praying to God as Your Refuge
You are our Refuge, and your protection over us is powerful. We find joy and blessing in your name; you give favor and strength to our days.
“But let all who take refuge in you be glad, let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely O Lord, you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favor as with a shield.” Psalm 5:11-12
3. Praying to God as Your Savior
You are our Savior! As believers and your children, we trust in your power to deliver us from the enemy and from all those who intend to harm us. Your surround us with deliverance.
“O Lord my God, I take refuge in you, save and deliver me from all who pursue me…My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart.” Psalm 7:1,10
4. Praying to God as Our Rock
You are our sure foundation, our rock, our fortress, our stronghold. You alone are worthy to be praised!
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.” Psalm 18:2-3
5. Praying in the Power of God’s Name
We can fully trust in you and in the power of your Name. There is nothing else in the world that we can rely on to save us from our troubles, only you Lord holds the power to set us free.
“Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed, he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Psalm 20:6-7
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6. Praying for God’s Comfort and Love
You are with us always, even in the darkest of times, you bring us comfort and goodness. Your love and faithfulness endure forever.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with you, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:4-6
7. Praying for Hope in God Alone
We choose to set our eyes on you dear Lord, for you are gracious and loving. You forgive us for our sins, you guard and protect our lives. Our hope is in you alone!
“To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul, in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me…My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you.” Psalm 25:1-2, 15-21
8. Praying to God as Your Hiding Place
You are our hiding place, our safety and security. You promise to protect us and surround us in deliverance from the troubles we face. No matter what we face in this life, you still will hold us secure.
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm 32:7
9. Praying for God’s Guiding Light
The angel of the Lord encamps around us and our loved ones. We are radiant and shining with hope because of you God. We cry out to you, believing that you will save us from this battle. Though we may face struggles in this life, we know that you are with us always, working behind the scenes where we can’t fully see, bringing us through the storm, shielding us with your power.
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them…The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.” Psalm 34: 4-7, 17-20
10. Praying for a Firm Foundation
You lift us up God, out of the darkness, out of our grief and loss. You make our footsteps firm on level ground, you are our firm foundation, our solid rock, we trust in you today.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:1-2
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11. Praying for God’s Refuge
We never have to fear, for you are the one who works within us, around us, and over us, powerfully defending and protecting our way. You are the Lord Almighty, God with us, our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble.
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, thought the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging…God is within her, she will not fall, God will help her at break of day…The Lord Almighty is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress.” Psalms 46:1-3, 5, 7
12. Praying for God’s Relief and Rescue
When we are weak and needy, and have no one to help, you promise to rescue us Lord. You will never turn away from us in our distress, but your eyes are always upon us, bringing relief from oppression, and deliverance from the battle.
“For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight.” Psalm 72:12-14
13. Praying for God’s Rest
We find rest in the shadow of the Almighty today and every day. We trust you Lord and find refuge under your powerful shield of protection. We believe your angels surround us and we thank you for your loving care over our lives.
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart…For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:1-4, 11-16
14. Praying for Healing and Freedom
Only you Lord can break the chains and turn darkness into light. Only you can bring us through the most difficult of days and save us from our distress. Thank you for your healing and for your word that gives us hope and freedom.
“Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains…Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.” Psalm 107:13-14, 19-20
15. Prayer for Peace in God’s Steadfast Love
Your steadfast love is our true security, our peace and rest. We lift our souls to you Lord and praise you for your deliverance and goodness over our lives.
“Let me hear in the morning of thy steadfast love, for in thee I put my trust. Teach me the way I should go, for to thee I lift up my soul. Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies! I have fled to thee for refuge! Teach me to do thy will, for thou art my God! Let thy good spirit lead me on a level path! For thy name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In thy righteousness bring me out of trouble! And in thy steadfast love cut off my enemies, and destroy all my adversaries, for I am thy servant.” Psalm 143:8-12
In all these things we pray, thanking you Lord, believing you, trusting you.
In Jesus’ Name,
Related Resource: Listen to our FREE podcast, Teach Us to Pray with Christina Patterson. You can find all the episodes at LifeAudio.com.
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Debbie McDaniel is a writer, pastor’s wife, mom to three amazing kids (and a lot of pets). Join her each morning on Fresh Day Ahead’s Facebook page, for daily encouragement in living strong, free, hope-filled lives. Find her also on Twitter and at her blog debbiemcdaniel.com.
What Are Generational Curses or Sins and Do We See Their Effects Today?
iBelieve Contributing Writer
Generational curses and sin is very much alive and well today in various forms. However, it might not look the way you think.
Consider this. My ex-husband left me in the month of February. His father left his mother on Valentine’s Day. I believe that is part of a generational curse. Not a make-believe curse like in Disney movies, where princesses get put to sleep against their will, but more of a curse of influence. My ex carried out what he knew and what was modeled to him.
It’s not always as specific as the same act reoccurring on the same day on the calendar—more often than not, generational sin expresses itself in broader ways. For example, after my ex’s father left his mother, the father’s relationship with both of his children suffered greatly until they didn’t speak at all for years. To my knowledge, they still haven’t. After my ex left me, a similar “curse” began to play out, and now he doesn’t have an active role in our daughter’s life.
This isn’t a “curse” controlling him against his will, like we know curses to be portrayed in Hollywood where people are “under spells.” People are responsible for their sin, their choices, and their behaviors. At the same time, I believe that without a miraculous breaking of destructive cycles by the Holy Spirit in one’s life, that person under the generational curse is destined to repeat the cycles they knew.
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What Does the Bible Tell Us about Generational Curses?
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Logically, we know that when children grow up under various influences, they are much more likely to carry those influences into their adulthood and act the same way. It’s familiar. It’s what they know. When teenagers are exposed to drugs, alcohol, and various forms of fornication or pornography, and have those things around them as “normal” during their formative years, then they are inevitably—without a work of the Holy Spirit intervening—going to act out those same “normals” in their own lives. Most often they keep the pattern of destructive behavior going, and pass it down to their children.
The Bible says a lot about generational curses, and sometimes it can be confusing to try to put what seem to be two conflicting messages together. But we know the Bible is inerrant and doesn’t contradict itself, so there is an understanding to be discovered.
For example, in Numbers 14:18 it reads (emphasis mine): “The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
And in Exodus 20:5-6 it reads: “You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.”
But in Ezekiel 18:20 it reads: “The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.”
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Who Is to Blame for Sin across Generations?
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John Piper makes a good point about this topic: “The generations to come who experience the penalty of the fathers’ sins are those who hate God. We are not told how the fathers’ sins become the children’s sins. But what we are told is that when the father’s sins are visited on the children, it is because the children are really sinful. That is the form in which the fathers’ sins are visited. Therefore, all judgment is really deserved by the person who is punished.”
So, it’s not that the next generations coming down the pipe were innocent, and were being unfairly punished for their father’s or grandfather’s sins—rather, their parents’ sin became their own. They imitated what they knew, and they sinned as their parents had sinned before them.
No (good) father or mother would ever wish their own burdens and sins on their children. Good parents typically want better for their own children than what they had or experienced in life. So in a way, the continued punishment for the parents unconfessed, unrepentant sin is that the sins are repeated through the next generations. “The sins of the fathers are punished in the children through becoming the sins of the children,” says John Piper.
That can feel really heavy, can’t it? But thankfully, the story doesn’t end there.
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What Hope of Freedom do We Have from Generational Curses?
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“For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.” (Romans 8:6-9)
There is hope. There is potential for a different future for each generation, based on whether they walk in the flesh or whether they walk in the Spirit. And that is up to the individual and to the Holy Spirit Himself.
“But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me, and also in walking contrary to me, so that I walked contrary to them and brought them into the land of their enemies—if then their uncircumcised heart is humbled and they make amends for their iniquity, then I will remember my covenant with Jacob, and I will remember my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land” (Leviticus 26:40-42, emphasis mine).
Confession and repentance changes everything. “Because of God’s grace, which is finally secured by Christ, the children can confess their own sins and the sins of their fathers and be forgiven and accepted by God” (John Piper).
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How to Break Generational Curses – God Prepared the Way to Freedom through Jesus Christ
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The reverse is also the same. Parents who walk in the spirit but have children who walk in the flesh are not to blame themselves for the sin and choices of their child. “The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself” (Ezekiel 18:20).
While parents are called to raise their children in the ways of the Lord and provide good influence over their kids, children are ultimately still responsible for their choices, behaviors, and sins just as the parents are for their own. Parents aren’t to be found guilty over the sins of their children, and children aren’t to be found guilty regarding the sin of their parents. Everyone bears their own responsibility.
At the end of the day, we know that Christ became a curse for us to give us hope, freedom, and eternal life. Because of Christ, we can break the patterns in our lives that are damaging and sinful.
“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree’— so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith.” (Galatians 3:12-14)
Praise God, we don’t have to repeat the mistakes of our fathers, grandfathers, or great-grandfathers! We don’t have to imitate the sin of our ancestors. We’re not helpless or trapped in these vicious cycles but rather, we have the power to break these chains once and for all through the revelation of the Holy Spirit.
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Betsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of more than fifteen inspirational romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her hubby, two total-opposite young daughters, a vast collection of novels, and an impressive stash of Pickle chips. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored in Christ. When she’s not sweating it out at Camp Gladiator or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can usually be found somewhere in the vicinity of a white-chocolate mocha. Look for her latest novel with Revell, Tacos for Two, coming October 2021. You can visit Betsy at http://www.betsystamant.com.
toxic people… when to walk away (and what to do when you can’t)
Jesus knew Judas was toxic. He could have stopped Judas from stealing and His future betrayal by kicking Him out of their group at any time. — Gary Thomas, When to Walk Away
Walkaway Jesus
Gary L. Thomas, When to Walk Away
When we can walk away from toxic people, we probably and usually should. But when financial necessity, work obligations, family relationships, or even the accomplishment of our God-given mission necessitates that we find a way to live or work with a toxic person, we can learn much by following Jesus’ example with Judas.
JESUS AND JUDAS
Though Jesus often walked away and let others walk away, He obviously and clearly kept one toxic person very close to His side — His betrayer, Judas. Let’s focus on three key strategies, based on Jesus’ interaction with Judas, for how we can live with or work alongside toxic people without going crazy ourselves.
Jesus Didn’t View His Mission as Stopping Toxic People from Sinning
Maybe it seems more obvious to you, but it was startling to me when I realized Jesus knew Judas was a thief and never chose to stop Him. John clues us in:
One of [Jesus’] disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray Him, objected, ‘Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.’ He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it. — John 12:4-6
If John knew Judas was a thief, Jesus knew Judas was a thief. In fact, Jesus knew that Judas was worse than a thief. In John 6:70, Jesus said,
“Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!” (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray Him.)
Jesus knew Judas was toxic. He could have stopped Judas from stealing and His future betrayal by kicking Him out of their group at any time.
But He didn’t. Why? Jesus kept the bigger mission in mind. To seek first God’s Kingdom, He had to raise up a band of disciples. He also had to die on the cross. He wasn’t waylaid by individual battles of piety with His disciples, as we are prone to do with people around us. Addressing Judas’s thievery would be like a neurosurgeon clipping someone’s fingernails. There were more important issues at hand. And Jesus’ mission was not to stop everybody from sinning.
This is actually a freeing word for believers. Your mission is not to confront every sin you hear or know of, even among your perhaps toxic family members or coworkers. Of course, if you’re a parent of a child still living at home, confronting sin is an appropriate part of spiritual training. But at extended family gatherings, with hard-hearted friends and certainly coworkers, our job isn’t to be “sin detectives” who discover how others are messing up and then unleash havoc by sharing our opinions with those who don’t want to hear them.
Jesus could have spent all twenty-four hours of every day trying to confront every one of His disciples’ sins. “Peter, put away that anger!” “Thomas, you’re still doubting Me, aren’t you?” “Thaddeus, you’re people-pleasing again. Nobody likes a suck-up.”
Instead, He focused on training and equipping reliable people. Focusing on others’ sin makes you focus on what’s toxic. Focusing on training makes you focus on what is good and on who is reliable. The latter is a much more enjoyable and ultimately much more productive life.
Because our goal is to seek first God’s Kingdom and righteousness, and to seek out reliable people in the process, we’ve got to let a few things slide right by us.
That uncle who brings another woman half his age to Thanksgiving dinner? Not our problem. The coworker who had too much to drink at the office party? If we’re not the boss, that’s not our concern. Besides, one sin is never the issue. Alienation from God, shattered psyches, unhealed and unaddressed hurts — those are the real issues.
Feel free to enjoy people and love them without having to serve as their conscience.
When asked sincerely, speak the truth. Just know that merely witnessing sin in your presence doesn’t require you to act as prosecuting attorney, judge, and jury.
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Keep the bigger picture in mind. Instead of upending the holiday gathering by making sure everyone knows you disapprove of what that child, cousin, uncle, or parent is doing, find a hungry soul to quietly encourage, bless, inspire, and challenge. Find the most “reliable” relative and invest in them.
Jesus Didn’t Let Judas’s Toxicity Become His
How much money would you spend to get an hour to ask Jesus all the questions you’ve ever wanted to ask Him?
What would it be worth to you to go back to the first century and spend an entire weekend with Jesus, watching Him perform miracles, listening to His teachings, participating in private conversations, watching Him pray and interact with others?
I’m guessing, if you’re reading a book like this, a whole lot.
All of which makes Judas’s betrayal seem all the more ungrateful. Jesus gave him a front row seat to the most significant life ever lived, and Judas sold Him out.
And yet at the Last Supper, when Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, Jesus made sure that Judas was still present. In a picture the sheer wonder of which leaves me in awe, Jesus used the two holiest hands that have ever existed, the two most precious hands in the history of humankind, the hands pierced for our salvation — Jesus took those exquisite hands and washed the feet of His toxic betrayer.
Even in the face of ungratefulness and malice, Jesus kept the door open to relational reconciliation. He loved Judas to the end, essentially saying,
“You can’t make Me hate you. Your toxicity won’t become My toxicity.”
Just as astonishing to me is what happened during the act of betrayal. When Judas walks up to Jesus to hand Him over to the soldiers, Jesus looks at Judas and says,
Do what you came for, friend. — Matthew 26:50
Friend? How about skunk? How about snake? Jesus said “friend” because Jesus didn’t have a toxic molecule in His body. There was nowhere for toxicity to take root. God is radically for people. He wants everyone to come to a knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:4). As His followers, we also must be for everyone, even if we oppose what they’re doing. If we must live and work with toxic people, our call is to make sure their toxicity doesn’t become ours. We don’t treat them as they treat us. We don’t offer evil in exchange for evil. We love. We serve. We guard our hearts so that we are not poisoned by their bad example.
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Jesus Spoke Truth to Crazy
While Jesus invited Judas back into relationship until the very moment of betrayal, washing his feet and even calling him friend, He never pretended that what Judas was doing wasn’t toxic. In fact, He warned Judas at the Last Supper that if he were to go through with his plans, things wouldn’t end well for him:
Woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born. — Mark 14:21
When Judas kissed Him in Gethsemane, Jesus replied,
Are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss? — Luke 22:48
When working around toxic people, you don’t have to pretend they’re not toxic. You don’t have to pretend they are well-meaning but perhaps misguided.
The reason this is good news is that it helps preserve our sanity. Toxic people are experts at twisting things, making us feel crazy for admitting the truth (what counselors call gaslighting). But as followers of Jesus, we are committed to the truth because we are committed to Jesus, who said,
I am the way and the truth and the life. — John 14:6, emphasis added
Without truth as a refuge, interacting with crazy people can start to make you feel crazy. But God is a God of order. Craziness is a clear sign of toxicity.
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This will sound like such a cliché, but I’ve found that extra praying brings some level of sanity to a situation that feels crazy. There’s something about spending time talking to and listening to the God of truth that restores sanity when you’re forced to spend time in a place that makes you feel like you’re losing your mind.
As we trust that God understands all that is truly going on, and as we remember that God is the only one capable of bringing everything to account, we can rest in His understanding, promise, and protection:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6-7
Takeaways
Sometimes we can’t walk away but have to learn how to live or work around toxic people. This will require us to become stronger than we’ve ever been before.
Don’t try to control a controller. Work around them as you are required to, but don’t let their ups and downs become your ups and downs. Keep a healthy level of distance between the two of you.
Keep first things first. Our job isn’t to stop people from sinning. Focus on investing in reliable people.
Guard against letting someone else’s toxicity tempt you to respond in a similarly toxic fashion. We can’t control what toxic people do and say, but we can control what we do and say.
Don’t allow someone who is ruining their life to ruin yours as well. Leave work at work (or family drama at family gatherings).
Thank God that we never have to pretend crazy isn’t crazy. We live by the truth. We don’t have to pretend toxic people aren’t toxic; we just have to learn a nontoxic way of interacting with them.
Excerpted with permission from When to Walk Away by Gary L. Thomas, copyright The Center for Evangelical Spirituality.
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Your Turn
Sometimes, we can’t walk away from toxic people. Jesus’ relationship with Judas teaches us much about the godly way to deal with backstabbers, thieves, liars, gaslighters, and extremely challenging people. What’s the biggest takeaway for you? Come share with us on our blog. We want to hear from you about unavoidable toxic people! ~ Laurie McClure, Faith.Full
Words That Breathe Life
Have you ever had times when you felt like you just couldn’t breathe? Stress weighs you down and the “to-do list” becomes the “too-much-to-do list.” Sometimes we just need a friend to come and breathe life into us. And one of the ways they do that is with words.
When I was in my teens, I went scuba diving with some friends. I had no training and probably shouldn’t have been in deep water, but I was a teenager and threw caution to the wind. The guy who took me below the surface of the deep, another teenager I might add, strapped an oxygen tank on his back, a mask on his face, and flippers on his feet. I only had a mask and flippers.
“Where’s my oxygen?” I asked.
“I’ve got it,” he answered as he patted the tank on his back.
So, into the ocean we jumped. He put his arm around my waist as though I were a sack of potatoes and down we went. John drew oxygen from the tank and then passed the breathing apparatus to me. We took turns breathing in the oxygen in what he called “buddy breathing.” It then occurred to me that I was totally dependent on this boy to keep me alive!
Buddy breathing reminds me of the life-giving words of my friends that I’ve experienced through the years. Words that have been like oxygen when I’ve felt like I was drowning.
Solomon wrote, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24 NIV). Life-giving. Soul-nourishing. Buddy-breathing.
He also painted a beautiful portrait of the power of a woman’s words to her friends in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10,12 (NIV).
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up… A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
It is often with words that we pick up a friend who’s fallen down.
I’ve noticed through the years that a true friend is one who knows what I need without me even asking. She is someone who will offer to pitch in and help when she sees me growing weary. A true friend never sees the mess in my house, but the love in my eyes. She listens without judging but sets me straight when she sees me straying off course. She never ridicules my children or my husband and encourages me to love them better. A true friend says, “I believe in you, and I’ll be the first to blow the horn at your celebration party!” A true friend passes me the oxygen of an encouraging word when I feel like I’m drowning.
We can embrace a friend with words that warm a chilled soul, words that fill an empty heart, and words that lift her up when she is lying face down in defeat. I’m so glad that friendship was God’s idea, aren’t you? Not only do we need those kinds of friends, but we also need to be that kind of friend.
Heavenly Father, thank You for being a friend who breathes life into my aching soul. I ask that You give me one friend with whom I can be totally honest with and completely loved by. Give me one friend whom I can encourage and who can encourage me. Help me to be a woman who not only needs from others but one who gives to others. Help me be a speaker of life. In Jesus’ Name.
Leave a comment and share one person who has been that friend for you. I’ll randomly pick one entry and send 2 copies of The Power of a Woman’s Words. One for you and one for a friend.
The updated version of my best-selling book and Bible study guide, The Power of a Woman’s Words: How the Words You Speak Shape the Lives of Others includes a new chapter on the power of a woman’s words to her adult children…it’s complicated! Perfect for your women’s ministry’s next Bible study!
Words are one of the most powerful forces in the universe, and God has entrusted them to you! They echo in hearts and minds long after they are spoken. How will we use this gift? Your words can change the course of someone’s day…even someone’s life.
how are you using you gifts?
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. — 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV
Generosity: Triggering God
by Cheri Cowell, from 365 Devotions for Peace
Generosity: Triggering God
by Cheri Cowell, from 365 Devotions for Peace
Give freely and spontaneously. Don’t have a sting y heart. The way you handle matters like this triggers GOD, your God’s, blessing in everything you do, all your work and ventures. — Deuteronomy 15:10 MSG
Psychology has helped us understand that even a subtle gesture or the tone of someone’s voice can trigger a memory or a reaction. Some memories are good, such as times with a loved one, an especially fun vacation, or a time when God’s presence was very real. Sometimes, though, painful memories or feelings of anger can be triggered. At times those triggers blindside us. Suddenly we’re dealing with intense emotions we didn’t anticipate.
Today’s verse from The Message says that God has triggers and gives us a specific example.
How we treat people — whether we lead generous, giving lives or cold, stingy lives — triggers God.
When His children give spontaneously without regard for the cost, He is triggered to bless them. He will give peace to those of us who freely give to others in all we do.
Are you living in a way that triggers God’s blessings?
God, enable me to me to live openly and give generously, not for Your blessing but to honor You with my life. Amen.
Given to Be Used
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
— 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV
Imagine if merely receiving the gift of an exercise bike meant automatically experiencing its health and fitness benefits. Gifts don’t work that way, though. We need to use the exercise bike: we need to rely on discipline, hard work, and sweat to experience any beneficial results from that gift.
The gift of flowers placed in a closet is not a gift we enjoy. A blender placed on the counter but never used is a gift of little worth. Good gifts are the gifts we use.
God gives the best and most appropriate gifts. For instance, He knew that as a young preacher, Timothy needed gifts that would counter his natural timidity and fear. So God gave him power, love, and self-discipline.
What gifts do you need? If you ask for and receive them, will you use them as Timothy did? God knows what you need, so ask Him for those gifts, and then be ready to use them to serve Him and others.
God, please give me the gifts of power, love, and self-discipline. Help me to use the gifts you’ve given me wisely and well. Amen.
Excerpted with permission from 365 Devotions for Peace by Cheri Cowell, copyright Zondervan.
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Your Turn
Have you ever realized that you can trigger God’s abundant blessing by being open-handedly generous? Our hearts and what flows out of them matter to Him. God blesses us in order that we may be a blessing to others! How can you show free and joyous generosity today to honor God? We’d love to hear from you! Join the conversation on our blog! ~ Devotionals Daily
Wisdom for Today
“The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” – Proverbs 15: 2
Dose of Devotion 