Don’t just visualize success at the end. Visualize the process. Don’t just picture yourself winning. Picture the steps it takes to get there. Dean Bokhari – Podcaster
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COMMUNICATION WITH GOD
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 
Colossians 4:2
Pastor He’s church in Vietnam grew from twenty-nine to over 5,000 in just a few years during the communist regime in the late 1970’s. When asked the secret of this phenomenal church growth, Pastor Ha replied, “I have a very simple theology. When you have problems, pray! When you have more problems, pray more!” Every morning this church had a well-attended prayer meeting at six a.m. And the church grew and grew. Although they were constantly living under pressure, there was one scripture text chosen for the wall of their sanctuary, “In everything give thanks.”
And yet after his years of imprisonment, Pastor Ha said, “When I had my freedom, I worked with prayer sometimes in the background. In prison, I discovered that prayer is everything. It’s like a pilot using a checklist before he takes off. If he skips the first item, many lives might be in danger. The first item on our checklist should always be prayer. If we skip it, the whole mission is in jeopardy.”
Vietnamese Pastor Cuong also spent over six years in prison. He says this about prayer:
In my work I was so busy I had no time to pray. But in prison, I was thankful to God that He gave me time for prayer. I had about six hours of prayer every day. I had time to recall every member of my congregation to pray for them. Before that, although I served the church, I didn’t have enough time to pray for them. I learned about the real presence of God in prayer there. When you kneel down and pray wholeheartedly with the Lord, you feel His answer right there.
All of the world’s major religions emphasize prayer. The Buddhists repeat their prayers fervently, although they do not believe anyone is listening. The Hindus pray regularly, believing one of their many Hindu gods may be listening, but they do not really expect any response to their prayers. The Muslims pray five times a day. They believe that Allah is listening, but he will not alter his plans to meet their needs.
Devout Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims consider Christianity a prayerless faith, because they rarely see Christians praying. Yet we believe—and know—we have a God who not only hears our prayers, but also will answer them in mighty power!
RESPONSE: Today I recommit to spending time in communication—prayer—with my Lord.
PRAYER: Pray that all Christians in prison will experience God’s presence in a special way today.
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 | Just Cry It OutCINDY BOYD, COMPEL Training Member |
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)
The café was filled with the uncontrollable cries of a toddler who, moments earlier, had been enjoying lunch with his parents. Now his dad swiftly scooped him up and retreated to the lobby. The child’s screams turned into gentle sobs as his father patiently soothed him.
Little did I know that just a few short days later, I would be reminded of this touching scene as I received unwelcome news that transformed my pleasant day into one of uncertainty and questions.
Over the previous six months, I had invested most of my time and energy into a work project that would change the trajectory of my career. I knew it was exactly the next step God wanted me to take. After all, it was a perfectly tailored answer to a year’s worth of prayer. But when I got the news, I stared at my phone in disbelief as my composure quickly began to crumble. The partnership had ended before it had even begun. As I reread the text message, my tears began to pour.
Driving home, struggling to see through my still-falling tears, I cried out to God, Father, I know Your ways are higher and Your plans are good. I’m not doubting Your decision — I just need You to hold me while I cry.
I knew that no matter how I was feeling, His promise from Isaiah 46:4 was true:
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
Just like the crying child, sometimes we don’t need a solution; we just need to be carried by a Father who is tender and compassionate to His children (Psalm 103:13). Every once in a while, we just need to cry it out. Our heavenly Father is always there, watching and waiting for the opportunity to hold His children. His love is freely given and knows no bounds when it comes to those who seek Him for sanctuary.
Jesus tells us in Matthew that “anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 18:4, NLT). When I’m caught up in being a grown-up, with my old age and gray hair, I must remember I’m also a child needing a heavenly Father who will carry me when I’m hurting. Through His love, I will be calmed as He rejoices over me with great gladness (Zephaniah 3:17).
Friends, we will all face troubles, heartache, disappointment and grief. When our tears begin to flow, God is waiting with open arms to carry us, His children, and to catch our tears in His mighty hand, transforming them into abundant blessings.
Father, thank You for faithfully holding me when my tears come. Please continue to wipe my eyes so I can see the hardships entering my life as opportunities for closeness with You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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We have to make so many decisions every day, both big and small. But sometimes the influx of choices to be made can be so overwhelming that we feel paralyzed. Is this the right move? Did I really hear from God on this? What if I make the wrong choice? Dr. Joel Muddamalle is unpacking all of this and more in his newest podcast episode, “How Do I Know if I’m Making the Right Decision?” Listen here!
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Today’s devotion writer, Cindy Boyd, is a member of COMPEL Training. Receive writing tips on your social media feeds when you follow COMPEL Training on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!
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FOR DEEPER STUDY
Deuteronomy 1:30-31, “The LORD your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place” (NKJV).
Psalm 56:8, “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” (NKJV).
Do you remember a time when you just needed to be held by the Father? How can you be the arms of Christ and comfort others going through a tearful season? Share with us in the comments.
© 2024 by Cindy Boyd. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
Not the World’s Hope
By DaySpring
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ISAIAH 40:31 NIV
Have you ever heard someone say, “I really hope it works out!” or maybe, “I hope everything ends up okay”? While neither statement is negative, this connotation of hope can be extremely fickle. Here, the word “hope” is used as a positive expression—a wishful desire that may or may not come true.
However, biblical hope? The kind that stems from a “hopeful heart” is a hope of confident expectation. The desire is present, but the outcome is also secure. When we “hope in God,” we are expressing in absolute certainty our belief that we know He will deliver. We are not wondering and wishing God to show up; we are sure He will make Himself known. It is not positivity, “good vibes,” or a wish list; it is a firm stance that determines how we will or will not move forward in a situation. It is hope placed on the One in control versus hope placed in the outcome of our circumstances.
We know very little, see only a smidgen, and have no inclination of what is to come. But our God is everywhere at all times; He is all-powerful, and He knows all things. A hopeful heart is one that is anchored in the true character of God. Hopeful hearts believe God to be who He says He is; they do not waver based on the ebb and flow of what we experience on this earth.
When we hope in God, we are choosing a different way. His way is supernatural, finding renewal when depletion feels imminent. His way allows us to run our race and not worry about the race of others. His way provides us with the divine direction and energy we need to live the abundant life He has called us to. Let us be a people who live in expectation and anticipation of what our God is doing and how He is moving. Let us be a people who do not flake out at the first mention of unforeseen circumstances or who fear the future.
Let us hope like Jesus and show the world what it means to be loved by God.
Dear Jesus, thank You that Your hope is not one that diminishes or discourages us. Your hope is always present because You are always present and You are our hope. Show us how to cling to Your hope. Let us look different than the world. In Jesus’s name, amen.
This is an excerpt from Be Still: 90 Devotions for the Hopeful Heart by Cleere Cherry Reaves – a devotional now available on DaySpring.com. Shop all books, journals, and devotions from DaySpring here.
Overcoming Marriage Misconceptions – Crosswalk Couples Devotional
Overcoming Marriage Misconceptions
By Lynette Kittle
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” – Proverbs 18:22
Married at First Sight is a television reality show where individuals wanting to marry agree to enter into matrimony with a stranger, after being interviewed, tested, and matched up by marriage experts. During the process, they agree to take the plunge with a total stranger to say, “I do.” It’s a modern-day take on arranged marriages, of trusting experts to be their matchmakers.
Many singles participating in the reality program have experienced heartache, disappointment, or loss of confidence in their own ability to choose a spouse. In hopes of finding a marriage partner, they look to professionals for help.
Some who seek help have felt paralyzed by fear at the possibility of their choosing the wrong partner, afraid of making a bad decision. Others are fearful of failing, of entering into a martial relationship that will not last and lead to divorce.
In our culture’s chaotic hook-up atmosphere, who can blame these individuals for seeking help in getting married? Genesis 2:18 describes how God recognizes man’s sincere need for companionship, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
He also understands the challenges involved in doing so. “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).
Meeting for the very first time at their wedding ceremony, the couples say, “I do.” For the next six weeks following the wedding, the new brides and grooms live out their newlywed life before the cameras, documenting their honeymoon, house hunting, and more.
As they launch into married life, the show’s experts also follow their progress, offering thoughtful counsel, helpful resources, and practical tools to help the couples build a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.
Like one might imagine, it’s often a roller coaster ride for the new husbands and wives as they begin to experience the ups and downs of married life.
Although giving couples the option at the end of the six weeks to stay married or divorce does not follow a biblical approach to marriage, the program offers insight into misconceptions many singles deal with as newlyweds such as:
- Thinking good marital relationships come easy and don’t require a lot of effort.
- Deciding whether it’s a good match based on whether it’s easy or difficult for them to live out.
- Believing a husband and wife must have all the same interests and be just alike in every way to have a successful marriage, rather than seeing how couples’ differences stretch and help each other to grow.
- Seeing conflict as a sign of a bad marriage rather than seeing it as a tool that helps them work through issues and grow closer as a couple.
- Facing everyday practicality and realities they are experiencing in their new marital relationship that don’t match-up with their preconceived ideas.
- Believing love is a feeling rather than a choice.
So in a culture where many singles are fearful, disappointed, and have lost hope in marrying, we as couples can keep in mind the struggles singles around us may be dealing with in getting married.
We can let our light shine as a couple to those who need encouragement to go forward with marriage. Like Matthew 5:16 encourages, let your light shine before others.
As well, we can allow singles we know to see how as a couple together, we work through our weaknesses in marriage.
Likewise, we can offer singles glimpses and real-life examples of how God works through our individual strengths to uplift and encourage each other.
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, iBelieve.com, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, Startmarriageright.com, growthtrac.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
It’s time we get real about marriage & relationships! Join marriage coach, Dana Che, as she and her guests deliver witty, inspirational, real relationship talk from a faith-based perspective. New episodes of the Real Relationship Talk Podcast drop every Tuesday.
5 Ways to Use Worship as a Weapon against Spiritual Attacks
- Cindi McMenamin
- Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
We live in a spiritual realm. Many times, what we consider fleshly battles with other people or circumstances may in fact be a full-on attack from the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:11-12 instructs believers: “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (NIV).
It’s interesting that Ephesians 6 tells us to put on the “full armor of God” so that we can withstand spiritual attacks, and then every piece of armor listed in verses 14-17 refers to the Person of Jesus. That passage is basically telling us to clothe ourselves in Christ – to bear His truth and righteousness, exercise faith in Him, yield His Word as our sword, and trust in Him as our salvation. In other words, abiding in Christ, and worshipping Him is our full defense against Satan’s attacks.
Here are five ways to put on the full armor of God and worship Him as your weapon against spiritual attacks:
1. Say the name of Jesus.
Ephesians 6:17 tells us the “armor of God” includes “the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 4:12 says “Salvation is found in [Jesus and] no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” Furthermore, Scripture tells us the word of God was made manifest in Jesus (John 1:1,14). Simply put, there is power in the name of Jesus. So incorporate that power not just by ending your prayers with the words “In Jesus’ name,” but start praising Jesus and Who He is to remind yourself (and the spiritual forces of darkness) of the power in that name. For example, pray: “Jesus, You are more powerful than my enemy.” “Jesus, when You are for me, who can be against me?” (Romans 8:31) “Jesus, Your name is above every name in heaven and earth” (Ephesians 1:21). “Jesus, You have all authority” (Matthew 28:18).
When you say His name aloud, through praise or a call for help, you are enlisting all of heaven’s armies, which respond to the beck and call of Jesus and His loved ones (Psalm 18:6-19, Romans 10:13).
2. Keep a heart of praise.
First Thessalonians 5:18 exhorts us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” To give thanks in all circumstances means to praise and thank Him in the midst of disappointment, in the midst of heartache, in the midst of pain. As those are often times when we are at our weakest, and most prone to spiritual attack, your praise-in-all-things mentality just may ward off the enemy’s attacks in the first place.
But if you’re like Job, and you’re being attacked in spite of your upright living, then obey 1 Thessalonians 5:18 and thank Him that He is stronger than any forces that will ever come against you. Thank Him for how the trial or attack is developing you spiritually and perfecting and maturing your faith (James 1:2-4). As you keep a heart of praise, which is the essence of worship, you are abiding in Him. Psalm 22:3 says God inhabits the praises of His people or is enthroned in our praises. When God is inhabiting the person of praise, Satan’s attacks can irritate but not penetrate. Keep your heart and mind set on thanking Him and you will be wielding spiritual attack with a weapon of praise.
3. Sing the scriptures.
One thing I love about the old hymns and even some of the newer contemporary worship music is that many of them contain direct quotations from Scripture which make them easier to memorize and recite. All of Scripture’s Psalms (which literally mean “songs”) were originally set to music and meant to be sung. Compose your own tune in your head as you sing the Bible’s Psalms aloud or sing some Psalms or New Testament passages that have been set to music by 19th-century composers or contemporary music artists.
As you sing the scriptures you remind yourself of who you are in God’s eyes. For example, you are His beloved (Jeremiah 31:3), you are His friend (John 15:13-15), you are His adopted child (Romans 8:15), you are “His masterpiece” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT). When you quote scripture back to Satan, he knows that scripture, and he trembles – and backs off – at the power of the written word of God.
4. Pray Scripture aloud.
We tend to think of worship as singing or some other form of praise, but worship also involves prayer, reading the Word, quiet admiration of and reflection on God, and focusing on His worthiness. In fact, think of worship as a focus on God’s “worth-ship.”
I have found Psalm 145 particularly effective for teaching young believers how to pray through Scripture. Read each verse aloud, then paraphrase it and personalize it in a prayer back to God. For example, Psalm 145:8 reads: “The Lord is gracious and compassionate; Slow to anger and great in mercy” (NASB). Pray that back to God by personalizing it: “Lord, You are gracious and compassionate. Thank You for being slow to anger and great in mercy when it comes to Your love toward me. I know I can bring anything to You.”
By personalizing the Word to your life and situations, keeping God’s attributes and the truth of Who He is intact in your prayer, you are applying Scripture to your everyday life. That is what it means to pray Scripture over your situation and to use it as a weapon in spiritual attack.
5. Remember Who has the power and authority.
If you learned in Sunday School or believe today that God and Satan are equals, that is a lie. Satan is a created being, a fallen angel, one who is still subject to God’s authority and judgment. Satan’s attacks are nothing compared to the Almighty omnipotent everlasting God who was not created but created all things. The battle – and any battle of yours – truly belongs to the Lord (Proverbs 21:31). First John 4:4 tells us greater is He who is in you (Christ Jesus), than he who is in the world (Satan and his minions). Romans 8:31 asks the rhetorical question: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Those verses build our faith in the One who has absolute power and authority.
Spiritual attacks often come when we are already feeling defeated — or when we believe we could never be defeated. Guard yourself against pride and a belief that you are above attack by reminding yourself of God’s authority and ability, not your own. Humble yourself before the Lord (James 4:10) and depend on His power to get you through.
According to Ephesians 1:20-23, God raised Jesus from the dead and “seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.” Jesus, Himself said in Matthew 28:18: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” Praise Him for that authority, call upon Him and His authority, and realize the authority you have, in Him, as believers. When you worship and remember Christ’s authority, you are also reminding yourself and Satan of Satan’s imminent defeat.
For more on abiding in Christ so you can withstand spiritual attack, see Cindi’s books, Women on the Edge and When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts.
For further reading, see 8 Ways Praise Delivers You from Evil.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Sakorn Sukkasemsakorn
Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker, Bible teacher, and award-winning writer who helps women and couples strengthen their relationship with God and others. She is also a mother, pastor’s wife, and author of 17 books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 150,000 copies sold), When God Sees Your Tears, When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, and When Couples Walk Together:31 Days to a Closer Connection, which she co-authored with her husband of 35 years. For more on her speaking ministry, coaching services for writers, and books to strengthen your soul, marriage, and parenting, see her website: www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.
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A Prayer for Cancer Patients and Those Who Love Them – Your Daily Prayer
A Prayer for Cancer Patients and Those Who Love Them
By Kristine Brown
“It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.” (Psalm 18:32 NIV)
According to the American Association for Cancer Research, June is National Cancer Survivor Month. Now that I’m 5 years cancer-free, I find it much easier to call myself a “survivor.” At the beginning of my battle with cancer, I didn’t see myself that way. But the truth is, cancer patients are not only survivors once we finish treatment. We’re not only survivors when we hear the word “remission.” We’re survivors from the moment of diagnosis, and so are the loved ones who walk tirelessly by our side.
Today’s verse comes from Psalm 18, a song of deliverance sung by David when God rescued him from the hand of Saul. David understood the magnitude of what God had done for him, and he expressed his overwhelming gratitude in this song of praise. “It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.” (Psalm 18:32)
Psalm 18 serves as a reminder of God’s power over the enemies that threaten us. The psalmist began with a declaration of love for God, followed by an attribute that speaks volumes to me as a cancer patient. “I love you, Lord, my strength” (Psalm 18:1). On my worst days, when I can’t even get out of bed because disease ravages my physical body, God will forever be my strength. But cancer doesn’t just affect us physically. It can prove detrimental to our mental and emotional health, too. “Each person diagnosed with cancer faces a unique set of challenges, but one in four survivors reports a poor physical quality of life and one in ten reports poor mental health-related quality of life.” (aacr.org) Maybe that’s why I find such comfort in the very next verse of this psalm. David described God this way, “…but the Lord was my support.” (Psalm 18:19) Psalm 18 declares David’s trust in his sovereign Lord, and his words still bring hope to us today. The Lord will be our support in our weakness. Whether we face a cancer diagnosis ourselves or help a loved one through health challenges. God will support and strengthen us for the battle.
Did you know that each month, besides December, is designated to recognize and bring awareness to a specific type of cancer? This fact reveals a sobering reality – everyone we meet has either been impacted by cancer or knows someone who has. And those numbers continue to grow. Today, let’s offer a prayer for cancer patients and those who love them. As we call upon the God of all strength to be their portion, may we believe him for healing, comfort, and peace in the midst of the battle.
Let’s pray:
Dear God,
We love you. We praise you for what you’ve done and trust you for the future of cancer survivors and those who love them. Thank you for being their strength and support. Thank you for providing everything they need for the battles they face. Arm them with strength right now and keep them secure every day of their lives.
Cancer can cause physical, mental, and emotional pain. It affects not only the patients but their loved ones, too. Yet you are greater than any disease we face! We praise your name and call out to you on behalf of those who are struggling. God, like your servant David, we can say with confidence, “You armed me with strength for battle,” and I pray you will do the same for all cancer patients and the loved ones who care for them. They need your comfort, peace, and healing. Bring hope in times of pain and discouragement. Strengthen your children in their weaknesses. Support them so they know that you are there even when they grow weary. Thank you, Lord.
In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AndreaObzerova
For more spiritual growth resources, check out the 5-day email devotional, How to Be Free from Bitterness, by today’s devotion writer, Kristine Brown. Learn more about women in the Bible and find encouragement to help you “become more than yourself through God’s Word” at Kristine’s website, morethanyourself.com.
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5 Signs You Might Need Marriage Counseling (and Why it’s Okay!)
- Vivian Bricker
- Contributing Writer
The dreaded words—marriage counseling. While these words are normally linked with some kind of marital issue, sometimes the only reason you want to go for marriage counseling is because you want to deepen your marriage. There are many couples who seek out marriage counseling for more difficult issues, such as infidelity; however, just because a couple goes to marriage counseling doesn’t mean they technically have this problem occurring within their marriage. If you and your spouse have been thinking about going to marriage counseling, you should give it a try. See what you think and embrace any new insights that it might bring up.
Marriage counseling can help you and your spouse reach conflict resolution faster and help you become more vulnerable with each other. For anyone who has been married, they know that it is important to be intentional within the marriage covenant. There is no room for laxity when it comes to the relationship between a husband and his wife.
Through marriage counseling, your counselor will be able to help with any pre-existing issues as well as any issues that might arise in the future. It can act as a proactive way to handle any conflicts. While it is not a fool-proof way to protect your marriage from everything, it is a helpful resource that can save marriages and prevent many negative things from happening. If you are interested in going to marriage counseling with your spouse, know that you are already given permission.
You and your spouse don’t have to be struggling in your marriage before you start seeing a marriage counselor. On the other hand, if you have been having doubts about your marriage, you might have already been seeing signs. Here are five signs you might need marriage counseling—and it is entirely okay if you do. There should never be judgment when it comes to marriage counseling.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Giuseppe Lombardo
1. Lack of Communication
Slide 1 of 5
One of the biggest reasons couples start going to marriage counseling is a lack of communication. A lack of communication can do terrible damage to your marriage. Whether you have been married for many years or only for a short time, impaired communication will cause many problems. If you have noticed bad communication with your spouse, marriage counseling will be able to help.
Know that there is nothing wrong with going to marriage counseling when you are struggling with communication. Consistent contact with one person every day can quickly become taxing and stressful. You think you said something, only for your spouse to not have heard it. Or you were telling them something important, and they were distracted by their phone. All of these things can impair communication and significantly impair your marriage in the process.
It is completely okay to go to marriage counseling, and there is no room for shame in your life. The very act of you and your spouse going to marriage counseling attests to how much you care about each other and want to preserve your marriage. None of us are perfect, as we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). As great as our spouses may be, they also fall short of God’s glory, and sometimes we all need a mediator to help us in our conflicts. Marriage counseling will be able to help us in this area.
Photo credit: GettyImages/bernardbodo
2. An Absence of Intentionality
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Intentionality within marriage is something I first heard as a vow. One of my friends from college was getting married, and she told her husband that she vowed to love him with intentionality. I have been to many weddings, yet I have never heard such a profound vow before. My friend was telling her husband that she would love him with intention. How many spouses are currently doing this? Is there time and energy being intentionally placed forward within your marriage?
An absence of intentionality will result in a marriage where no affection or meaningful communication will be shared. Within marriage, both partners need to be intentional in their love for each other. This can be difficult day in and day out, which is why a marriage counselor will be able to help you in this area. It is perfectly okay to reach out for help because we all need help navigating different phases of life.
If you want to get a head start on being intentional in your marriage, do something intentional for them today, such as doing the laundry for them because you know they have been up all night tending to the baby. Or maybe you could bring home dinner tonight so that your spouse won’t have to cook. There are many different ways to be intentional in your marriage and by taking this first step of intentionality, you might find it will bring more joy to your marriage.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
3. Emotional Scarceness
Slide 3 of 5
Many times, husbands or wives can start distancing themselves from their spouses because of things they are going through. This might be going through depression, the death of a loved one, or being diagnosed with a physical health condition. All of these things can cause our spouses to separate themselves from us. It is more common in men than women to block out their feelings and to refrain from sharing what is truly on their minds. This is due to the toxic masculinity that is rampant in our culture, as many men do not even know how to share their feelings.
Emotional scarceness can start showing up when feelings, thoughts, and concerns are not being shared. It can feel hurtful when your spouse isn’t open with you, or you feel they are hiding something from you. This is why it is important to start working with someone who can help. God wants our marriages to blossom and bloom, yet they cannot do this if we don’t take the first steps to help us get there.
Through therapy, your marriage counselor can help your husband or wife come to terms with their feelings and learn how to share them in a healthy way. There is no reason under the sun to feel ashamed of talking about these matters with a marriage counselor. Some would argue that counseling is beneficial for all people as it can help equip you with the tools for your personal life, your mental health, and your relationships, including marriage.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PixelsEffect
4. Infidelity in the Present or Past
Slide 4 of 5
While infidelity is never a word we like to hear, it is common—even among Christian marriages. If infidelity has occurred in your marriage and you and your spouse want to try to preserve the marriage, then it is a beautiful thing to go to marriage counseling and it is very much needed. This very act shows that the person who committed infidelity in the marriage truly wants to work out matters. While infidelity is considered a reason to leave a marriage (Matthew 19:8-9), it is a wonderful thing when both partners want to save the marriage.
Infidelity happens, and while that is never okay, it is okay to get help. A marriage counselor will be able to help you work through this difficult situation, how to bring the matter before God, and how to heal from this trauma. The person who committed infidelity is often treated as the “bad guy;” however, all feelings need to be expressed. Sometimes, there is no reason why the person committed infidelity, but sometimes there is.
Working through the reason can help in your own healing process as well, although it might be painful at times. Infidelity is not something that will heal overnight, but if both partners are dedicated to saving the marriage, your marriage can become stronger for it. Friend, if you are the person who was cheated on, know my heart goes out to you. God sees your pain, and He will give you healing. Trust Him with all of these feelings and take your time to process them with Him as well as through counseling.
Photo credit: ©Pexels/Alex Green
5. Struggles with Infertility
Slide 5 of 5
Something that my grandparents struggled with was infertility. My grandma had over ten miscarriages before her son was born. Sadly, her son only lived to be seven years old due to suffering from ventricular septal defect. After he passed away, my grandma struggled with terrible depression, and this caused her and my grandpa to go through a brief time when they were separated. Thankfully, my grandparents were able to work through their grief together and became a stronger couple because of it.
After struggling with more miscarriages, my grandma finally was able to have another baby, who lived well into adulthood. This baby was my mother, and sadly, she passed away from heart disease too, although it was much later in life—yet still far too soon. My mother being born to my grandparents was a blessing to them, and they always cherished their relationship with their daughter, going to great extents to show their love for her.
My grandparents were able to work through infertility, yet they would have benefited greatly from marriage counseling during this difficult time. It could have prevented my grandma from suffering from depression, as well as it could have stopped my grandma from lashing out at my grandpa and cutting him out of her life for so long. If you are going through infertility or have in the past, rest in the comfort of knowing a marriage counselor can help you. You and your spouse have grief that needs to be talked about and shared with each other. Marriage counseling is the perfect place to be vulnerable, share your feelings, and ultimately, find a safe place in each other.
Related:
5 Steps for Successful Christian Marriage Counseling
7 Must-Have Qualities to Look for in a Marriage Counselor
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Filmstax
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
Can I Really Trust God?
Have you ever asked God to take care of a situation, but then found yourself holding on to it so tightly you got in His way? I sure have. I’ve prayed for various situations and then tried to fix them myself. Not a good idea.
I saw a great example of that when my son was in elementary school. A gaggle of eight-year-old boys were playing on the playground in our backyard when Steven came running into the house with his hand over his eye.
“A piece of bark got in my eye! Get it out! Get it out!” he cried.
“Son, you’re going to have to take your hand away if you want me to remove the bark.”
“No, don’t touch it,” he cried. “It’ll hurt!”
“It already hurts,” I replied. “Now take your hand away so I can get it out.”
Steven kept his hand over his eye and went back and forth between “get it out” and “don’t touch it” for about twenty-five minutes. Finally, the pain overcame the fear, and he decided to trust me. It took twenty-five minutes for me to convince him to remove his hand and 5 seconds for me to remove the speck of bark.
As he ran back out into the yard to play, I saw myself in Steven’s struggle. So many times, when I have a pain causing problem, I cry out to God, “Get it out! Get it out!” At the same time, I hold on to it so tightly, He can’t. It’s really a matter of trust.
Peter wrote: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you,” (1 Peter 5:7 NLT). Another translation says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (NIV). The Greek word translated “give” or “cast” in this verse means to forcefully throw. There’s nothing timid about that. We can’t cast all our worries on God or give them to God and hang onto them at the same time. At some point, we must decide which one it will be.
Ponder the words to this anonymous poem:
Just as my child brings his broken toys with tears for me to mend.
I took my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, “How could you be so slow?”
“What could I do, my child,” he said, “You never would let go.”
When it comes to God, you can trust Him. He is the same yesterday today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8). He says what He means and means what He says. God cares for you unceasingly, provides for you immeasurable, and loves you unconditionally. And You can trust Him.
And so, God asks us, will you trust Me? Will you trust me with that struggle in your child’s life? With that rebellion? That attitude? That relationship? That health issue? With that speck in the eye? Will you remove your hand so I can use mine?
And we finally whisper, Yes Lord. I trust You. I’ll let go.
Father, I trust You. I open my hands filled with worried and fears and give them to You. I will not snatch them back. I will not question Your timing. I give them all to you. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Think of a time when you had to remove a splinter from a finger, piece of glass from a foot, or speck of bark from a child’s eye. Did the person fight you even though they knew you were trying to help? Do you see any similarities between a child’s apprehension and your attitude when you bring a problem to God?
If you’re willing to trust God with your current worries and concerns, leave a comment and say, “Lord, I trust You! I’m letting go!”
We know being a mom in today’s culture is trying, tiring, and tremendously rewarding all at the same time. Discouragement weighs heavy. Loneliness looms large. Frustration tangles emotions. That’s why we need Christian sisters to lock arms with us on the journey—cheerleaders who shout you can do it, keep going, don’t give up! That’s why we need our Heavenly Father who says, I see what you’re going through, I’m right here with you, and I am so proud of you.
My new 90-day devotional book, “Mamma Moments with God,” is just the hug moms need. In this beautiful hardback book, I share highly relatable stories—momma moments—from my own life, as well as Bible verses, prayers, reflection questions, and journaling pages. Every day invites a time to pause and focus on a parenting theme such as dealing with disappointment, relying on God, receiving and offering grace, and having courage to move into a new season.
If you’re a grandmother, you have someone who would love this book! She’ll thank you for it!
God takes boundary violations very seriously
God Takes Boundary Violations Very Seriously and So Should We
Today’s inspiration comes from
by Lysa TerKeurst
It’s so easy to be charmed into dropping a boundary. We can have a few good days or even a few good months when it seems things are better. But remember, be honest about what’s really happening. Don’t continue to excuse negative or destructive patterns of behavior or addictions, as if they are just occasional slip-ups and isolated mistakes. There is something deeper going on in the foundational thinking and processing of someone who has been hurting you with their poor choices over and over.
“Things are better” is not the same as “things are healed.”
If we drop our boundaries too soon, trying to resurrect those boundaries when the chaos returns will become more and more challenging. And the constant charge of devastating emotions will become more and more damaging. Trying to save a relationship by excusing away boundaries is like trying to save a house with a flooded basement by shooting more and more holes into the foundation.
Ask me how I know. Ask me how many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep, feeling the impossible weight of wanting someone else to cooperate with necessary boundaries only to have them be violated over and over.
Sometimes it takes me a long time to acknowledge reality. And that’s certainly been true for me in relationships. Being loyal and hoping things will get better is not a bad trait until hope deferred starts to make my heart sick (Proverbs 13:12).
I posted this question on Instagram the other night: “Why is it that a flag literally has to be on fire before I tilt my head and say it might be red?” If it’s red, it’s red. If someone’s actions toward me are hurting me, they’re hurting me. If it’s concerning, it’s concerning. If it’s wrong, it’s wrong. And we should be willing to give grace for mistakes. But if the issues are ongoing and continuously harmful, we must acknowledge that and act accordingly. It’s not that we don’t want to be prayerful and hopeful and eager for positive changes in the other person’s life. But we don’t want to become so eager and overcommitted to their health that we stay undercommitted to our own.
I know I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it many more times (mostly because I have to preach this to my Pollyanna self a lot!) — drawing wise boundaries is me fighting for the relationship.
It’s for their good and mine! Loosening my boundaries and enabling them to hurt the relationship and harm me isn’t helping them. I am not honoring Jesus when I give permission for the other person to act in ways that Jesus never would.
Yes,
- Jesus laid down His life for sinners. But it wasn’t so they could keep sinning.
It was for a holy purpose leading to wholeness, healing, and salvation of their souls. Jesus didn’t enable people. Jesus didn’t beg people. Jesus didn’t accept excuses for sin or let people off the hook because they were mostly good. No, He instructed them to leave their lives of sin. (The woman He forgave and rescued from getting stoned — John 8.) He called out the Pharisees for their harsh, demeaning, and judgmental attitudes. (Those hiding their own sin while wanting to stone the woman for her sin — also John 8.) He informed the rich young ruler to give up what was controlling him and holding him back (Matthew 19). Jesus tended to His need to be alone with the Father even when the crowds had needs and demands of Him (Luke 5).
And most telling of all, though Jesus had compassion for all people and offered salvation to all people, those who reject His gift and refuse to acknowledge Him as their Savior will not enter into Heaven. There it is again: access requires responsibility. A refusal of that responsibility requires a consequence. This is set up this way for holy and honorable reasons.
So, if we draw a boundary and someone says we aren’t “acting like Jesus” we can certainly check ourselves — our tone, our words, and our actions. But remember to consider the source of that statement.
- The problem isn’t the boundary, it’s that the other person won’t respect the boundary.
When God calls you to do something, He will be faithful to equip you for it.
I want to speak tenderly to your heart. Just you and me. You’re going to make it. And so am I. But it’s going to get hard. Really hard. I so wish I was standing right with you, whispering a boundaries pep talk into your ear the next time someone hurts you and tries to make you feel like the crazy one. And I wish you were doing the same for me when I need to be reminded of these truths, because I surely will need to be preached to with these very words I’ve written.
Just a few nights ago, I wish I could have had a little conference call with you. I was crying. A big, ugly, my-eyes-were-swollen-the-next-day cry. I had such hopes that a conversation with someone with whom I’d set boundaries would go well. The boundaries seemed to have worked. I wanted to have more interaction with the person. I’d held strong for so long and they seemed to have been so sincere in their promise that they’d changed. They also committed to being kind and to listen without attacking me if I would be willing to have a face-to-face conversation. So, I agreed.
And it took only about thirty minutes for me to realize what a mistake I’d made.
I was shocked by how things started off okay but then very quickly turned harsh.
I felt so foolish.
I felt scared.
I felt lost in all the confusion swirling in their accusations against me and their grand statements about how much God was with them and that they were praying for my cold heart.
Not one other human who I do daily life with would have agreed with what this person was saying about me, but this person’s words still carried such weight that every syllable landed like a dagger straight through my heart.
Then came that moment that I thought to myself, I’m such an idiot. Boundaries don’t work. But then something amazing happened. Though I was shaking on the inside, I didn’t sink down to the level of returning hate for hate. Or accusation for accusation. Instead, I told them that what they were doing was not acceptable and that I would no longer allow them to come to my home until they stopped the harmful behavior.
And it worked.
No, they didn’t change on the spot.
No, they didn’t acknowledge that what they were doing was unhealthy.
No, they didn’t apologize or even recognize how their actions were hurting me.
But the person did leave. And though I cried buckets afterward, I realized I had never lost control of myself in the midst of the confrontation. And that was a huge win.
I’m not a boundaries failure. Neither are you. We are in process. And that, my friend, is one of the healthiest places to be. Remember, boundaries aren’t going to fix the other person. But they are going to help you stay fixed on what is good, what is acceptable, and what you need to stay healthy and safe.
Excerpted with permission from Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst, copyright Lysa TerKeurst.
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Your Turn
It’s painful to recognize when someone we love won’t hear or respect our boundaries. It might feel like we’re being unchristian or unlike Jesus, but that isn’t true. God is the God of love and love requires boundaries.
heart, mind, soul, and strength
devotionals daily
Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength
Today’s inspiration comes from:
by Kirby Kelly
Of all the passages in Scripture, one of the most well-known is the Shema:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. — Deuteronomy 6:4-5
It’s significant enough that Jesus referenced it when asked about the greatest command. He said,
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. — Matthew 22:37-38
It’s a beautiful command — one meant to deepen our relationship with God. However, when we really think about loving God with all our heart and all our soul and all our strength and all our mind, it can feel overwhelming. How can we even do that?
Let’s examine each part to better understand it and hopefully make it a little less intimidating. Although we’re meant to love God with our whole being, with everything we are, God was very intentional about naming these specific areas. Our heart is the center of our intentions and emotions. Our soul is the center for our state of living and being. Our strength includes our passion and might, and our mind is the center for intellect and reasoning. All these areas should be directed toward God. Our direction reveals what we cherish and value. As Christians, that should first and foremost be God. If we are pursuing Him above all else, our desires and actions will reflect that. Ultimately, that will lead to a life of freedom.
Perhaps one of the reasons why the Shema can feel so overwhelming is that we tend to think we have to come up with the energy to accomplish it on our own. Though we do need to practice certain disciplines in order to deepen our relationship with God, we can’t do it without His help. Thankfully, He has given us the Holy Spirit as our helper and guide. We also tend believe that once we’ve become a Christian, we should have everything figured out. Most of the serious struggles should be gone. That we should be perfect. But if we’ve been a follower of Christ for any length of time, we know that’s not true. Nor is it true that we will ever reach that point at any time in our life on earth.
- We will always be in the process of sanctification — growing but never arriving — until we are in Heaven with Him.
As we are sanctified, there is a renewing of our mind. This renewing includes focusing on and being filled with the truth of God’s Word. We do this by hearing the Word, reading it, memorizing it, and meditating on it. As we fill our minds with truth, the lies we’ve believed will begin to unravel, our convictions will be strengthened, and we’ll gain confidence to stand against the Enemy. First Corinthians 2:16 shares an incredible gift we have as Christians:
we have the mind of Christ.
In fact, chapter 2 is filled with quite a few gifts regarding our mind. Through the Spirit, the things of God are revealed to us (v. 10), we are able to understand (v. 12), and we are able to judge wisely (v. 15).
When we experience deep relationship with God, there is nothing else our soul longs for more than Him.
Our hearts also need renewal. It is a common thing to hear people say “Follow your heart.” However, Scripture tells us that
the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? — Jeremiah 17:9
Certainly, without the Spirit’s guidance, our hearts cannot be trusted. When fighting against the lies of the Enemy and moving toward freedom, we must remember that knowing (our mind) and believing (our heart) God’s truth go hand in hand. That is where faith comes in. Proverbs 4:23 tells us,
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
God wants His truth to be fully rooted in our lives as a deeply personal and intimate knowing.
Loving God with all our strength is not easy when you consider that we are pretty weak creatures. So how do we love God in that way? Exodus 15:2 says,
The Lord is my strength.
The psalmists also declared that the Lord was their strength (Psalm 18:1; 22:19; 28:7; 118:14). Nehemiah 8:10 goes on to say that the “joy of the Lord” is our strength. Considering these verses and others, it makes it much sweeter and simpler to love the Lord our God with all our strength when God Himself is our strength.
The part of the Shema about loving God with all our soul may be the most difficult to comprehend. We can more easily picture loving Him with our heart, mind, and strength. But the soul is less concrete. It is often considered our entire being — the deepest part of who we are. The psalmist painted a beautiful picture of what it means to love God with all our soul:
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? — Psalm 42:1-2
- When we experience deep relationship with God, there is nothing else our soul longs for more than Him. Our soul will be dissatisfied with anything less.
While we are always in the process of sanctification, with God’s strength and the renewing of our mind and heart, we can live a life of freedom that is characterized by our love and obedience toward God. Even as we grow in loving Him, His Spirit helps us to love Him more. Ultimately, we are able to love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).
Excerpted with permission from You Can Be Free by Kirby Kelly, copyright Kirby Kelly.
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Your Turn
Do you want to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength? Let’s stop and pray today that God would fire up our faith as we seek to follow His greatest command to love Him that way! The Shema isn’t something we can do on our own, so ask God for His help and encouragement! ~ Devotionals Daily
Words of Encouragement
Jesus, thank You for the ability to slow down and be still in You. While You provided us with the body to soar to great heights, You created us to have boundaries that, when crossed, make us weak. Settle our mind when we feel the pressure to speed up, and remind us that You are transforming us. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Dear Jesus, thank You that You are always near, even when our heart is weary or sad. Will You remind us of our forever home? Let the truth of eternity with You permeate our heart with hope and joy. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Dose of Devotion 
